Fart Jokes Fan? If you love toilet humor then there is nothing more than some great funny fart jokes to giggle at. Dot Fart website is providing funny fart jokes and other funny Fart stuff. Doesn't matter your age. A fart at the correct moment is still the funniest thing of all time. Good old farts. Long may they continue!
As the farting concept has enjoyed a place in comedy movies, funny fart jokes are popular among those who love to laugh. At dotfart.com, you can get a lot of stuff on best fart jokes. You can share these funny fart jokes with your friends and have a great time. If you have experienced any funny farting incidents, share with us on www.dotfart.com.
Flash Fart Button, Just Like a Funny Fart
It is not a funny fart joke, it’s true. We provide you a flash fart button also. By clicking on this button, the fart dot moves and you can hear fart sounds if your PC has headphones or speakers attached. You need to guess the number of fart sounds you hear. To find the correct result, you simply need to send an email. Besides this, you can also compare your guess with others.
To get this flash fart button, you just need to copy and paste its code in your website code. Take a look at the fart button myspace code given on our website. By adding some funny fart jokes in addition to the fart button, you can make your website, blog or myspace profile interesting. You can insert fart noises in flash funny e-cards and send it to your friends for fun. Share your farting jokes and spread the laughter. You can also leave your comments on our website.
I fart because it's the only gas I can afford
Cute Fart Joke:
A Belch is just one gust of wind,
That cometh from thy Heart...
But should it take the downward trend,
It turns into a Fart
What goes straight through your pants, but does not leave a hole? Big hot Fart!
Smelly Fart Joke
Women Goes To The Doctor complaining of her constant flatulence. She Says, "Doctor, I'm farting all the time, but what's unique is that they don't stink!
The Doctor was very understanding and gives her a prescription for her sinus problems, tells her to come back in two weeks
Two Weeks Later She Enters His Office and complains "Those Pills Made My Farting Worse! I'm Still I'm farting all the time, but now they smell really bad!
Fart Joke: Husband's Birthday Gift
Lady goes into a sportmans trade show to buy her husband a hunting gun for his birthday. She picked up a really nice looking gun and asked the salesman how much it was.
The sales man says, "You can see that I'm blind but if you give me the gun I can tell how much it is by the weight."
She gives him the gun and he says, "That gun is worth $145." Amazed at how cheap that was, she picked out another really nice gun, hands it to the man and he says, "This gun is worth $155." She is thinking that was pretty cheap.
So she picks out the best most expensive looking gun on the table and handed it to the salesman and he says, "This gun is our best at $175. "This will make a nice brithday present for my husband .."I'll take it"
Getting ready and all rung up, suddenly, she had to fart really really badly. She decided since the saleman was blind and it didn't really matter as he couldn't see she did it, so she just let the fart loose.
Saleman says, "Ok then, It all comes up to $200." "My Lord", she said confused, "You said the gun was only $175."
He said, "It is. It's $175 for the hunting gun plus $25 for the duck call."
Fart Joke: Christmas Dinner
Robert is invited to attend his girl friends parents house for Christmas dinner. As this is his first time meeting the family, he is a very nervous but
they all sit down around the table and begin eating a fine Xmas turkey dinner.
Feeling a little discomfort, no thanks to nervousness and the cheesy cauliflower casserole, gas pains are increasing, making him wince and eyes are starting to water. Left with really no other choice, he decides to relieve the pressure a wee bit and lets out a dainty fart.
Not that loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before getting embarrassed, girl friend's father looked at the dog snoozing under his chair said in a stern voice, "Skippy!".
He thought, "Great! Saved on that one". But couple of minutes go by but the pains return. This time, why hesitate, blame it of the dog. So he lets a much louder and longer rrrriiip.
Her father looks at the dog with disgust and yelled, " Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before he craps on you!."
Fart Joke, Love Baked Beans
There was man who had a terrible passion for eating baked beans, but always got an
embarrassing lively reaction. One day he met the girl of his dreams and they fell in love. He thought to himself "She'll never marry me so he gave up the baked beans he loved”.
A few months later, his car broke down, called the wife and told her he would be late as he had to walk home. On his way, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.
He figured he could walk off any ill affects. So all the way home he 'putt to the right and putted to the left'. His wife met him at the door excited. "Darling, I have the most wonderful dinner surprise for you!" She blindfolded him, and sat at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.
Feeling another fart coming on, luckily the phone rang and his wife left the room to answer the phone. Seizing the moment, he not only lets out a loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg fart. He had a hard time breathing, so he grabbed napkin and fanned the air. Unfortunately another urge came on, and 'rrriiiipppp!'. Sounded like a diesel engine at high revs, and smelled even worse. Gagging, he tried fanning his arms, hoping the rotten smell would dissipate.
He heard the phone goodbyes, so he neatly folded his napkin on his lap and he was the
picture of innocence when his wife walked back in.
Sorry for being so long dear, she asked “Did you peeked at the dinner”. Assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!"
To his shock & horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
On a hot summers day, an elderly gentleman was on his way to the car a parking garage and let out a rather wet stinky fart. Unfortunately, as he pulled away in the car, he turned into the enormous bellow of fart gas which went straight into his rolled down wife's passenger window. He was much embarssed, as she howled in disgust and she hung her head out of the car window like a dog. Screaming variations of "that's disgusting ... you should spend time in jail....for air pollution.
Can't Fart Joke
MTI mathematics professor was badly constipated, so he went to his doctor who suggested "One solution was to eat large quantities of prunes." Luckily the mathematics professor was able to work it out with paper and pencil.
Fart Joke Humor
What did the high Priest comment before he flushed the toilet? A. Holy Crap!
Three women were walking along the sidewalk. One was a blonde, one brunette, and one a redhead. An apple dropped out of the middle of nowhere and hit the redhead on the head. She said, "OWW!" An orange dropped out of nowhere and hit the brunette on the head. She said "OWWW!" A bomb dropped out of nowhere, but just missed the blonde and fell behind her. When it exploded, she said, "NO WONDER WHY EVERYONE CALLS THEM SILENT, BUT DEADLY!!!"
While at dinner party, a man farts. Other man says “How dare you fart in front of my wife”.
First man says “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn”.
Doctor Fart Joke
Doctor -"What seems to be the problem today?"
Patient, "Well Doc, I've got the farts ... I mean I fart all the time"
Doctor nods, "Hmm."
Patient, "Funny enough, my farts do not stink and you can't hear them. I fart all the time, we've been talking for about 10 minutes or so and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, did you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,
Doc picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
Patient is thrilled "Doc this prescription, will really clear up my farts?"
"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week we'll get you back for a hearing test."
One Day around Christmas Time, an Avon Lady Was Soliciting Her Products In An Apartment Building. Just as she Got On The Elevator To Go To The Top Floor, She Had An Overwhelming Urge To Fart. Seeing As How There Was No One Else In The Elevator She Decided To Let It Rip. It Was The Most Intensely Disgusting Fart She Had ever let go and did it ever Smell. She Quickly Sprayed a lot of her New Pine Scented Air Freshener With The Intent Of Covering Up The Smell Of The Fart. An Older Lady Got On At The Next Floor, Turned Very Red In The Face And Quickly Got Off On The Next Floor, so She Decided To Spray A Little More Of The Air Freshener. Two Floors Later A Drunk Man Got On But he Did Not Seem Overly Distracted By The Smell. So she Took The Opportunity To Advertise Her Product. She Said, "Excuse Me Sir, But I'd Like To Ask You What You Think Of Our New Line Of Christmas Scent Air Fresheners?" He Sniffed The Air Intensely, Hiccupped, and said "Smells to me like somebody crapped under the Christmas Tree."
Fart Joke Starbucks
Chubby young man was in the Starbucks working on his mac, when suddenly he urgently needed to pass some gas. Since the music was really quite really loud, he just figured he could time the fart with the louder beats of the music. After a couple of songs, he felt much better. Finished off his coffee
but noticed that everybody was staring at him. Then he suddenly realized that "he was listening to his IPod"
Restaurant Fart Joke
A woman walks into a restaurant and takes a seat. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly, with the Waiter right behind her. Shocked, she sits back up abruptly, glares at the waiter and shouts "Stop That!" To which the Waiter replies "Sure, Which Way Did It Go?"
Fart Joke - On the Bus
A guy got on a bus one day and sat down in an aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have today's paper?" The lady looked at him and said, "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."
Fart Joke Super Bowl Scoring
A husband and his wife went to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the husband lets rip a fart.
Wifey rolls over and growls, "What in God's name was that?"
Husband says, "TOUCHDOUWN, I'm ahead, 7 to nothing!!!"
A few minutes later the wife lets rip a scorcher fart.
Husband says, "Crikey, what was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
The man lays there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he accidently craps in the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
Husband replies, "Now Halftime, switch sides."
UK Fart Joke, Just a Couple Farts
Having left the pub and walking home, a bloke desperately needs to take a whizz so he heads down a lane when a Copper spots him.
"Oi Guvnor, you can't do that here!!! It'll cost you a 45 quid fine."
So, the bloke gives him a 50 quid note and the Cop says: "But I have no change"
"No worries, you can keep it," says the bloke..."cos I dropped a couple of farts as well...."
Fart Joke, Micro Chips
Two Blokes (Chinese and American) are out playing golf one day. The Chinese bloke is getting ready to tee off and suddenly stops and starts talking to his thumb.
American bloke says: "What you doin, man?"
"Oh, don't worry, just microtechnology, I have a microphone in my thumb. I was just recording a message."
The two blokes carry on golfing, but all of a sudden at the tee the American makes a funny squeeking sound. Chinese bloke says: "What you doin, man, that sounds like a fart.?" "Oh," says the American. "Don't worry, I'm just receiving a fax."
Fart Joke, Three Men in an Airplane
A Mexican, an American, and a Pollock are all in an airplane Flying over Mexico.
The Mexican drops a pear on his country. When the American asks why he ... says he loves his country.
Then they're flying over the US and the American drops an apple. Then the Pollock asks why ... American says because I loves my country.
Then they're flying over the Pollock's country and the Pollock drops a bomb. When the American and the Mexican ask why .. he says because he hates his country.
A while later the Mexican is walking the streets and he sees a boy who is crying. He asks why are your crying? The boy says because a pear fell out of the sky and hit him on the head.
The American is walking the streets and he sees a little girl crying. When he asks her why, she says because an apple fell out of the sky and hit her on the head.
The Pollock is walking the streets and he comes to a man that is laughing. When he asks him why, the man says, "Because I farted and the building behind me blew up!"
Fart Joke, Confucius Thinking
If a wood cutter farts in the forest, and there is no one to hear it, does it make a sound?
If a forest ranger farts in the forest, and there is no one to smell it, does it make a smell?
Fart Joke, Wife Home Hearing Test
Bernie was at the bar after work and mentioned to his drinking buddy, that he feared his wife Peggie wasn't hearing as well and thought she might need a hearing aid.
Well, his buddy says, "I've got the simple informal home test that will be sure to get a response!", Here's what you do, "stand about 30 feet away from her, let go a good ripping fart and see if she hears it. If not, go to 20 feet, then 10 feet and so on until you get a response".
So that evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself 'I'm about 30 feet away, let's see what happens. He musters up a good fart, then waits for a comment. Nothing!
So the husband moves closer, into the hallway, about 20 feet from his wife and repeats with another respective good ripping fart.
Still no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away, generates one of his best longest farts to date.
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her, "For goodness sake, Bernie, for the FOURTH time .. "Stop Farting!"
Fart Joke: Fart Timing
Farting, Getting the Biggest Bang per FART
- Let go a stinker inside a crowded office lift which services only the top floors
- Fart in the line up at the chiness buffet table, disgusting eating food and fart smells!
- Fart in a walk-in freezer, smell has no where to go but linger
- In Church during confession, do you confess to farting?
- On any airplane, the smaller the better
- In a patrol car after getting a ticket for a minor violation
- Boss fires you, so as you leave make sure it's silent but deadly
Fart Joke: Blonde Thinking
A blonde has diarrhea, should she chance a little fart on your couch!
Fart Joke: After a Long Day
A man worked all day turning over the garden dirt and was very stiff and sore. His wife very happy with all the work suggested "Have a hot soak in the bath and I'll bring you a nice glass of Scotch".
She leaves the bathroom and hollers "If there's anything else you'd like just call" Halfway down the hall, the husband lets off an enormous long fart in the bath water.
A few minutes later, the wife comes back .. "What the heck is that for?" "I thought I heard you say you wanted "a-hotta-water-bottle."
Non Farter Comments
Something smells around here! Somebody farted! Gross! Smells like rotten eggs! Who's be eating the blue cheese?